Understanding the Dilemma
Just to state out front, the majority of women do not know what really works for them. Women learn about their own sexuality and what works during their sexual journey – which is why when surveyed, more mature women report having better sex lives than younger, and also report that the sex is better post-40 then it was pre-40. This includes stronger orgasms and with more frequency.
The reason is conditioning. Sadly, on the top of most women’s list is not enjoyable sex for themselves, but that they are pleasing the man that they are with. At her core, a woman wants to be valued. She wants to be desired. Sex is not so much a biological imperative – as it is for men. It is a letting of the guard down and allowing someone she likes to share in a sexual experience with her. Many guys who have a “friend with benefits” think that she just wants sex like him. What they don’t know is that I treat a lot of women who have someone they are having a “casual” relationship with. It’s not as casual as it seems. The vast majority of the time, she is hoping he’ll come around and like her back, and value her enough to be committed to her. Even open relationships have commitment, and the women who have multiple partners still want what she considers her main partner. You can see the difference in sexuality in porn habits, and the fact the prostitution is almost exclusively for men.
So women do not explore what they like, but instead want to know what he likes. In American culture, sexuality has long been male dominated. For men to have sex was considered a crowning achievement, and for women – something to be embarrassed about. So the sexuality that embedded American culture was primarily male written. So what we get is not what truly women want, but conditioning that women should want it that way because men want it.
Big Penis Myth
Do women want sex? Absolutely. Do they want a guy’s penis? Yes! Do they want you just for your penis? NO!
The big penis myth needs to really come to a stop. The big penis myth is not that women don’t enjoy a large penis, it’s that a large penis means your performance will be great. In the two decades I have been involved in treating sexuality, I can report that rarely is the biggest penis the best lover she reported. Many times, they feel their dick size means that they just put it in and it will hurt a little, but then the women will cum like crazy. If a woman is cumming like crazy, there is a good chance she knows what she likes and responds well to stimulation. Many women who orgasm frequently do so regardless of the man’s penis (as long as it is not too big or too small). If a guy has a large penis and has been sexually promiscuous, he will find that women respond differently to him. It’s not true that every girl he touches with his magic dong goes crazy. I also hate to report, and this happens quite a bit, but women lie. It’s seen as a white lie, because they want the man to feel good about himself.
The reason why the big dick myth keeps around is not just male ego and virility. It is because, well, women like big dicks – especially thick ones. Intercourse feels good, and a reason for that is the displacement in our vagina and pressure on our nerve endings. However, this typically is not what makes women orgasm. The reason women like thick penises is because of the most wonderful thing a woman can explore – her clitoris. The clitoris is not just a little nub at the top of her vulva. It actually has a body – which has roots that flank the vaginal opening on both sides. So when you are stretching her open, you are putting more pressure on her clitoris. Also, when you are larger, there is a tendency to have more pull on the vagina, and that tugging helps stimulate the clitoris. In fact, many in my field think this is what women report at the G-spot (part of clitoral body before the roots split off).
So A Big Dick is Better?
Not exactly. The vast majority of women will not orgasm from a thick dick alone. While the clitoral body is flanking both sides of the vagina, it is not nearly as sensitive as the glans (the part of the clitoris you can see at top of the vulva). So what does this mean? Let me give you can example:
I had a patient who was dating, and was sexually active with two different men. One of those men had a large penis, and the other was slightly above average. She really liked the guy with the slightly above average penis. He was better looking and intelligent (yes, that is important to women). However, she did report the larger penis felt better. I told her some sexual tips to give to the above average guy, such as riding high (or grinding the corn). The next time I met with her, she not only reported that sex was better and that he was receptive to her tips, but that she had a 6-minute orgasm. Just to be clear, I have never had an orgasm that long, and I am an expert. She is currently married, and I’ll let you guess which guy she choose.
I’m tired, so hopefully this will do.